My First World Problems

I was discussing a problem with a friend the other day, something that on the surface seems pretty minor when you put it into perspective. I have never really loved the house we live in, and yet I am grateful for what I have because I have so much. 

Eventually I shrugged it off and said, "You know, it's a first world problem."

She responded in a way that took me by surprise. 

"Look," she said, "it's still your problem. I hate when people say that because you still have to figure out how to live with your feelings and thoughts about whatever it is you are living with-first world or not. You still have to make decisions and take actions and figure out stuff. It's your stuff. It's your life."

So I have been thinking about this a lot. I have been thinking about how to ride that space between being grateful for what you have and going for what you desire. I was talking to a different friend about why it feels really hard for me to take actions on things- especially when it comes to actions regarding my own self and she suggested Al-anon. I grew up with a brother who is an alcholic (He's recovered now. Three years! Go Kelley!) and this apparently, has left it's mark though I am only now piecing it together.

I wanted to blame my reticence on really taking action regarding my home to just not being grateful for what I have when I see now that it is a pattern developed at a really young age. 

A-ha!

I say all of this because it's mind boggling to me how it all fits together and how long it has taken me to see it.

I guess the best part of all of this is that I see because I am willing to look. 

And this makes me wonder about people who are unwilling to look- those of us who keep riding through life sort of blindly not willing to really look closely at our stuff. 

I know you might be sick of me now, always bringing up The Red Boot Coaltion like it's some sort of therapy. It's not. It's just that if you are willing to claim certain things about your own experience, you can't help but start to question how you have been living and how that comes out in all aspects of your life.

I find this sort of personal inquisition really wild and I can't help but think of how we might interact with each other differently if people were willing to pull a chair up to a table and get real about who they are. 

Neither of these conversations with friends occured within the parameters of my Red Boot meetings, but I have wondered if I would have had them were it not for what was going on inside of me because of the meetings.

So after a tumultuous 2014, I have to say 2015 feels, still, sort of crazy. I have a new job that I am still figuring out. I have kids who need me in much different way as teens/tweens. I don't have to dress them or hold their hands to cross the street, but taking their emotional temperature seems to never end.  I have a new mission in sharing more about The Red Boot Coaltion and how I think it can make our lives richer.

And apparently I have more discoveries to make about who I am and how I live in this first world life of mine.