It just keeps playing....

I keep hearing it whether I want to or not. I stumbled upon some video in my archives and there it was again...Taps. It's meant to get your attention, sear your heart so you don't forget, and then out you go into life until you hear it again.

I just don't know what to do with it. I am a struggling fool- fortunate in that I have time to raise my kids and write and take my own advice- do something that matters- but it gets frustrating when all the little steps don't seem to add up to much.

Lately, I have been thinking of Kelley. He is my oldest brother who is about as opposite of Andrew Wilfahrt as could possibly be. He struggled greatly in school, so much so that no amount of parenting could keep him in. He became a victim of some hard knocks and a genetic code which made alcoholism his cross to bear. Over and over he has fought and for the time being, through herculean efforts, he is prevailing. This man of 46 is only now finding a place in the world. A place that has him in "job training" through Goodwill Industries, a place where he is struggling to remember to pay his phone bill on time, a place where a farm boy suddenly depends on city transportation or his legs to get him to his meetings.

While Andrew and Kelley have only been minor players in my life, they have made a big impact on my heart. I feel ashamed to say my own brother has been so minor to me--by choice and circumstance.

The Taps keeps playing because I need to keep hearing it, I guess. "Yes," it says," Andrew is gone, but Kelley is here...."