When No Means Yes

Do you ever say NO to something in order to say YES to something bigger? Do you ever feel like, in saying NO, that you let people down though it is exactly the thing you need to do for you?

I am in this right now. Saying no a lot. Saying no to things that are not mine, saying no more consistently to distractions from my real work, saying no to activities and people who don't make me feel good about where I am in my life.  

It is weird and hard and also freeing. I sort of feel like a fighter- swinging away at this or that obstacle to make way for a bigger fight- for a sort of personal and creative freedom that I have not allowed myself. Did you catch that? Allowed? Because I do believe that is what it is. I have always believed that we teach others how to treat us by what we allow to happen. But I haven't always turned that belief inward. What do I allow in my life through the way in which I treat myself?

I know, I know...so introspective! So wonky and deep! Jeez! Get out of your head, right? Lighten up! But the voice in my head is where I am most of the time and so it stands to reason, at least most recently, that I make it a pleasant place to be . And where I am starting is by saying no to that which no longer works for me. 

It hasn't been an easy journey. In fact, many times I feel terribly uncomfortable. But then, after a bit of practice, I feel stronger. I feel good. I feel like I am doing just what I should do. I think I have had a failure to IMAGINE what my life would look like if I didn't always say yes. I could not IMAGINE letting people down, I could not IMAGINE NOT just sucking it up and taking the path of least resistance. People do not like it when you change course. Oh no! But I have clearly had a limited imagination, because they adjust, as I have and so, as Elizabeth Gilbert likes to say, ONWARD! 

On...toward things that are mine.

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