The initial appeal of January fades fast for me. I am not a resolutions sort of person yet it's hard not to be pulled into the reflection of the past year and thinking ahead to what I might like to see happen for me in the next year. I find that if I don't do this, I never really push myself. Never one to do what everyone else is doing, I keep my health goals to myself. But I do think of things that I feel drawn to, things that, as I age, I realize, if not now, when? So I am turning a lot over and thinking carefully about my next steps.
Here is something I did not anticipate; how long it has taken us to recover from life as unemployed and the hurt we still carry from that year. Just when we feel like we've adjusted, we've MOVED ON, something happens and poof! It feels like we are re-living some difficult moments all over again. As insanely popular as that song from Frozen became, letting go requires much more than three minutes and a big finish. I am disappointed to report that there is no big finish. That work, for Big Man and for me, continues. Someone kindly pointed out that it is simply because we cared a lot. When I am feeling generous with myself, I can look at this as a good thing. When I am feeling annoyed at how I feel like we need to get over it, I stumble as humans often do. No news there, right?
So now here we are trudging through the winter. In my area, we haven't had a lot of snow at once so the little trickles that fall, while pretty and sparkly, do not feel exciting. February seems like a re-run of January to me and March looms. All that "spring is coming but it's not spring" sort of nonsense makes me crazy and I find I am going to have to work at staying up, I am going to have to be methodical and thoughtful at self-care. If I get lazy, time passes and I wonder, what did I do?
Working with The Red Boot Coaltition is keeping me grounded and focused. With each meeting from each brave soul that attends, I am reminded again and again and again that when you give your complete attention to the people in front of you, to the task at hand, you are doing the work you were meant to do. I am trying so hard to practice what I am learning and it is as hard as any boot camp work out I have tried. But I am glad for the work, glad this challenge is making me think that while I thought I was a decent communicator, I have miles to go and so many ways in which to grow.
I have no wild insights today, no burning questions, no major offerings except that February has us all in a place where we dwell in possibility. I like that positive spin. A tip of the that to Emily for making me think that for now....anything is possible.