People want to know what's up. How are we? What's the scoop? There is no scoop. We are still on the great job hunt, still weighing our options, still talking, and doing some MAJOR spring cleaning despite the fact that spring is not here but in case the house must go up for sale.
My dream of low residency graduate school is still out there and I will get to it, deferred for a bit but not shelved for good.
I would not say that I am done being sad about the fact that we may have to move, but I am feeling stronger. I am feeling like I know, I know, I know! that whatever happens we will be just fine. When the unexpected occurs, it's easy to let it overwhelm you, to let it become who you are. I needed some time in my head and heart to adjust to what may become real. I wasn't admitting to myself that it could happen. We could have to move. And I have learned through others and personal experience that if it's a big deal to you, it's a big deal. We are all so different. Our experiences give us different lenses and what is true for you just may not be true for me, and you know what? That's ok.
If I have done anything right in this whole thing, it's that I have't given up. I have talked with people, I have allowed myself sadness, anger, and hurt. I have beaten myself up a little and praised myself for what I have handled well. Above all, I am walking honestly in my feelings in order to work through them. For me, there is no other way.
Getting on in uncertainty is trying. I have to focus on the small....this hour, this task, this job, this pocket of time. Since the big picture is unclear and out of my control for the most part, I just work on what I can, which is me and my home and my writing and my family.
What is a little surprising is that Big Man and I are on the same page despite that page coming from a book we haven't really read yet.
Another surprise? Thing 2 has become a baker! Well over a year ago, I went through a phase where I baked one cake a week and we took notes on the family reaction. Last week, he got out this book and started thumbing through it and reading our notes. He picked out a cake he wanted to make for someone's birthday and that he did. It was a brown sugar pound cake with brown sugar cream cheese frosting. Wisely, he made 4 cupcakes for us to try so that we were sure it was a decent gift. We can't give away an icky cake, right? The next day he went rogue and chose a new cake. Key lime cake with key lime frosting. He did not like it, but he liked making it, which to me is far more important.
I am trying to heed his spirit and it's also why I am not including any final product pictures. Because as in all things, it's about the process and not the final product. He was singing under his breath as we gathered ingredients and double-checking directions found him correcting me if I attempted to guide him toward a shortcut. Hint: newbie bakers DO NOT take shortcuts! Much of this was evidence of fun and he was doing it for someone else. The final product almost seemed beside the point.
I am finally at a point where I am trying to enjoy the process of discovering what is out there and available to our family. For now it seems, at least we have all the right ingredients.