Paul Wilfahrt, the original Big Man, is in the hospital. He's battling a horrible infection and the outcome is dicey. It was one of those, "Hey Bob! Could you call me? Dad's back is hurting and I can't seem to help him get comfortable" to an admission to the ICU to soon-to-be-made major decisions about end-of-life care.
It can happen that fast and while miracles present themselves, we are preparing for any eventuality.
My head is spinning, my heart is pounding, my fingers are itching to write something but nothing seems quite right so let me just tell you this: Paul and I had a difficult relationship. Of course, it was probably only difficult on my side. He admitted I scared him and friends counselled that this was a good place for an in-law to be. I never meant to scare him. He was just so BIG and so OPINIONATED and so EVERYTHING that I don't know if I ever found my footing with him. But he loved me and I loved him in our wonky and sometimes misguided way.
His greatest gift is his passion for his own children and grandchildren and his bride. This is where our thoughts are now as we wait to see what might happen and the family will focus on this as they face some tough decisions.
Bob's admitted he's been preparing for this type of week since 2000. He's had dreams about how things might go down, he and his dad have had some frank conversations, and in between they have acted like school boys together playing with lawn mowers and trains and tractors and working on creepy special effects for the next haunted house. The love between these two men has always been active and fun.
I've spent a good portion of our marriage trying to understand Wilfahrt men and love. It hasn't always been easy, but I have found that between the cracks and crevices is where the bounty resides.
We all know that things could turn again, but it seem impossible, ridiculously not doable, to balance on a dime.