Like many, the past has found me operating on an all or nothing basis and I then cut myself little slack when I inevitably fail. But by nature we are imperfect and the best we can do is to learn how to work with those imperfections.What I am finally learning now is how to treat myself when plans go awry. Which they will. Anne Lamott calls this Plan B. I have learned to always have a Plan B, Plan C, and even a Plan D.
I now like the new year for it's possibilities, not for all the change THAT MUST OCCUR. To that end, I am easing into the new year with things I would like to accomplish and little tasks that point me in the right direction.
Example: I would like to write a book. This is big, but what I can do is write everyday and I have found a useful guide with some writing prompts that help me when I get stuck. The largest hurdle for me here is that I have to write everyday and it is an entirely selfish act. I am making no money, filling no tummies, or improving the lives of anyone but myself. When you have operated in the mode of caretaker for most of your life, this is hard.
I do believe that my words are why I am here so I have to give them life somehow. I am slowly inching toward this and over the last two years, I have gathered a supportive staff, whether they realize they are part of it or not. There are moments when I can feel such goodwill directed towards my words that I feel humbled into a peaceful silence and the only option for me is to get out of my own way and write.
And so I do.
At this point, I just have to have some sort of faith that what I put out will somehow come together. I haven't given myself a lot of constraints because the end is so far way. And in some respects, I don't even know if there is an end. For now, all I can say is I am writing and that is just fine. My golden rule is that I must write everyday and add two minutes to the amount of time I am writing everyday. After that, anything goes.
Here's to progress and a new year that brings you whatever it is you need and hope for.