Say what?

A charming lady I know stopped by The Book Shelf to tell me how much she appreciated an article published Sunday in our local paper about my husband's cousin who was killed in Afghanistan while serving in the Army. She then continued to talk to me about that "silly war business." I tried to hold my own because, to quote various members of the Wilfahrt clan,"This is what we do now." But I didn't have a lot to say except that I think it's time to bring our soldiers home. She continued to articulate her thoughts and I joined in for a "Yes," and a "Well, but then..., "and finally I said, "I am actually more interested in using all that money spent on war to do blah, blah, blah" and on I went about any number of meaningful uses for this money. After a bit she said, "Why don't YOU run for president? What your saying just makes so much sense."

Excuse me?

One article from a heartfelt participant in society does not a president make. Can you see me in the joint chiefs-of-staff meeting? After a heated debate on foreign policy and military missions, Hilary turns to me with a look. She arches an eyebrow and waits. I say, "Bring everyone home. Now." I think she might be looking for a little bit more.

But then I ruminated a bit because many of us play this if-I-were-president game. It's not all that crazy. I know two other brunettes who are running. I bet we have a few other things in common besides hair color.

Let's start with names. Lisa, Michelle, and Sarah. Solid names. Not real flashy but full of spunk. Check.

Momhood. Lately, this seems to be a selling point. What they don't have that I do is Thing 2, age 7, and full of spirit. On a personal front, we have our challenges. I would hate to sell him short by campaigning and holding meetings galore and all that travel. And Thing 2 wants to pursue theatre and dance and art. Who would get her to all that stuff? But their kids are fine, right? And they each have way more than 2. I guess I am being a wimp so....

Check.

Geographical knowledge.

Hmm. I can't see Alaska or Russia from my kitchen window, but I do have a globe and I know how to use Mapquest. I confess to asking Big Man about most countries with more than 10 letters in their names. He is quite good and I would definitely credit him so.....

Check.

Like Michelle, I appreciate the old incandescent lightbulb because it's so much cheaper than these new energy-saving ones, and like Sarah, I admit to reading all sorts of magazines, like People. Neither of these seem like big selling points as a president, but somehow those tidbits remain enticing to people. Hmmm....aren't there bigger fish to fry as a politician?

Truth telling.

Ahhh.....this is where I stumble. I am not a good liar. My face gets red, I can't sleep, and when I get caught I am filled with remorse and rendered immobile for days. A president, or any politician for that matter, has to keep moving and not worry about all the lies, I mean, slip-ups.

Strike one.

God.

Well, here is another stumbling block. I like God. I am all for God. I just don't really want people in my God-business. That whole church and state thing works for me so.....

Strike two.

Public speaking. Now this could work. I can't wink, and I prefer to use direct quotes so as not to appear foolish. I also like to practice. But on the fly, you have to think. Again, it would be hard. I can keep my mouth shut when it seems the better course for the circumstance. Not sure about that one....I'll give myself a check, but maybe those other two should re-think.

Would someone like to forward this to their camps?

Now that I have it all out there, not much seems to be gained from running. I would have to change too much of who I am. You can call me many things, some of them not very nice, I suppose, but I am real.

The biggest perk I see is a book deal. I could make so much more money than others because I feel pretty good about NOT needing a ghost writer. This money would be then sent to places like Outfront.Org, education programs for girls in the middle east, or donated to my local public schools for all sorts of meaningful learning materials and programs for struggling families. And maybe Ben could get an I-pad!

Who am I kidding? Whatever common sense I have wouldn't hold a candle to big money, god-centric ideas, and the wealth of off-the-cuff remarks that will become tomorrow's great headline.

Face it, I am boring.

I will continue the good fight with my pen. You all know what they say about that, right?