Avoidance tactic

How do you float through the universe without a mom? I think of my own mom, who lost her mom around the time I graduated from high school, and much later, her aunt who served as the main touch point after grandma died.

Some of us have life with mom rudely cut short and some may have never really known life with a mom. How, I wonder, do you figure things out? Who serves as your GPS throughout life? My guess is someone else fills in- maybe without even realizing it. Someone has to serve as a compass or really, how would any of us ever make progress?

At best, relationships with moms are complicated. You need them and want them, but around the age of 3 you start thinking for yourself and that's when the trouble sets in. Each phase of childhood and adolesence pulls you closer and then pushes you apart. By Grace and tenacity, mom never really lets go and then bam! You are a grown-up wondering what the heck happened.

Maybe you moved away, maybe life sucks you into the vortex of busy, or, maybe it's just too hard. But, lucky me, she's always there. Until one day she isn't, and this is the day I dread. I think I am a grown up, but really, I can still call mom. I can still cry on her shoulder, call for a recipe, discuss the latest family news, and I can still look at her and think, "You survived all this? I can, too." Or not. Maybe I do none of these things, but the point remains that I can.

So, yes. I am grateful and appreciative and full of love and all that. But it's clear that I am just bucking that last phase of growing up. As long as I have mom, I still have one toe firmly planted in life before adulthood. I'm lucky, I know it, and I'll grow up when the time comes. No need to rush things.

Busy little beavers

My house is a riot of activity. There are empty seed packets and dirt trails leading to Thing 2's room. There are art supplies peeking out from the bottom of closets and doors closed to rooms where usually all the mess is open for show.

Hmmm.....Mother's Day is coming.

I love it. I love that they are having fun and I love that I will get some attention.

Is that sick? I want to be appreciated, I admit. There will be no suffering silently for me. Bring it on! I say. I love these little people with as much as my body can contain and then some. One of the biggest lessons I hope to impart is doing unto others. So...it is just fine if they start with me.

Alive

The world feels alive and positively crackling with possibility. While I don't feel as jubilant as others for the loss of EVIL MAN, it does seem to be some small justification for all the horrific loss of the last ten years. I say small because the loss has been just too great. Not one of those who perished in the agonizing acts September 11th will return to us. Not a single fallen soldier will ever hug their parents one more time. Families have been ripped apart and re-organized and stretched beyond recognition and it is far, far from over. One man down cannot make up for thousands lost. But maybe, just maybe it's the beginning of a shift, a slight altering of the universe that re-energizes our willingness to be hopeful and a reminder that the tough stuff usually takes heaps of time.

Minnesota is a riot of conversation about the Gay Marriage Amendment. I pray we are active enough to stand on the humane side of life at this point in history. We will look back in wonder as I know I did when I learned about the women's right to vote and think, "How did they ever doubt this?" Maybe I am living in la-la land because those in the trenches talking to legislators are painting a somewhat different picture. But I am having conversations and people are just, you know, willing to move forward. So....if you haven't written that letter yet, please do so. In this household the e-mails have flown about and we have been pleasantly surprised with the responses. Our voice seems to matter. Isn't democracy cool? You can be heard if you speak.

Just think of the possibilities. Be a part of them. Ask yourself, what would you want for your kids? That's really what it comes down to whether you are a parent or not. Be a part of a future that adds to our greatness--not diminishes it.

Alive.

It's a blesssed place to be. Take advantage of it.